January 5, 1993 – a newspaper kind of person

Mr. J asked me again if I would write for the newspaper. I kind of do want to do it, but I think I'd be better at writing for a magazine or something. I'm not a newspaper kind of person. I also can't find my mighty pen. The fountain one that can kill people. It's …

January 4, 1993 – it’s okay because I don’t care

It's about 2:0 AM. I have not yet gone to sleep. School is tomorrow. I don't want to go back for the "school," "learning" part of it, but I don't mind seeing people. I also get a chance to go to my father's house and to the library. I have an extensive reading list that …

January 3, 1993 – death on your mind

America has no human qualities anymore. She is a machine. She is a [illegible due to me dripping water on this recently]. See if you can figure it out It doesn't seem that technology is making the world smaller. On the contrary, everyone seems to have immense spaces between them. No one can completely trust …

January 2, 1993 – humorous people who are all very different

Realized that when asked a question that I don't particularly want to answer I always respond with, "what?" Hoping, I guess, that the person asking the question will either forget the question, think the question not worth repeating, or, if it is a particularly disquieting question, the questioner will lack the courage to restate the …

January 1, 1993 – a dream of a shadow

You may remember that in the last episode, I was attempting to enjoy a high school party - in my unique way - and was starting to think about maybe heading home. H [E's boyfriend] drove me home and this surprised me. It shouldn't, but he and E were very nice about it. They disliked …

December 31, 1992: a cemetery of the mind

This is a very special episode in which I attend a party. I'm going to need you to mentally and spiritually prepare yourselves, because it's excruciating. I start out with a poem I haven't what would buy a meal to feed a starving louse. And I must beg, and I must steal, or moulder in the …

December 30, 1992

God, I can't wait until break is over. It seems as though I've spent my life being different from my natural self in order to fit in. As if I must conform to the identities of others, interpret their identities and apply them to fit in. The longest phone conversation I've had with E in …

December 29, 1992

Still dealing with Christmas break depression and boredom. I concern myself too much, I think, with the problems of others. Not enough on myself. This sounds like I was a really great person who worried about other people, but what I meant is that I complain about other people's faults too much and don't pay enough …

December 28, 1992

I'm going to try to speed through some of these sad Christmas break posts, because they are boring and also because they are bumming me out. My crazed-with-boredom-and-houseboundness handwriting is also hard to read. I think I would enjoy vacation better if I had a chance of eventually going out and doing something. I want …

December 25, 1992

We had a very enjoyable Christmas. I haven't yet gone to my father's house, but E is here. She has had a very bad Christmas (gift day) and so we gave her some alcohol. Will write more later. I don't think this is the only Christmas E got alcohol at my house. One year (it …