January 6, 1993 – even better in first grade

Today in English we are going to go to the school library and they are going to teach us to use the library. How stupid (like corn) do they think we are? I learned to use the library in Kindergarten and even better in first grade.

*Sigh* Since writing this passage, I have spent a lot of money getting a masters degree in “library science” and now my job compels me to lead instruction sessions of the sort described above to students who are sure that they learned everything there is to know about using the library in Kindergarten. And then even better in first grade.

The author teaching students things they probably knew by first grade

My friends and I would say things were “stupid like corn” and I don’t remember why.

We used to wander around the children’s section. Well, everyone did, except me. I always liked the non-fiction section.

I was into books about volcanoes and I was the only kid who went over there.

I think I was just shy and didn’t want anyone to know what I was interested in. Who I was. Non-fiction was neutral. I didn’t analyze this then, but I did realize that I went to the non-fiction section because I didn’t want anyone to know what I was reading.

I was dead right about my first-grade self. The only fiction books I picked out were the most popular ones I saw the other kids pick out and that felt “safe” somehow. I still don’t like people to know what music I listen to or TV shows I watch, but I’ve had to get over the book thing, because they’re everywhere in my apartment. I still think volcanoes are cool.

The only book written by E.M. Forster in the entire library was ‘Aspects of the Novel’.

There are 160 books by E.M. Forster in the library I currently work at and I’ve never looked at any of them.

I want to read that. Actually, I’d like to liberate it from the library, but they have these high tech new detectors.

These theft detection devices were novel and I came to believe that they could be easily circumvented, but I was wrong.

Death is the most important thing in the universe…

You can probably see where this is going now. Thankfully, I drew up a little outline of this section so that I don’t have to type it all.


This is the outline of life. Someday, I’ll get around to writing in all the A’s and B’s and C’s under these three parts.

Nature, emotions, death. That’s it, folks.


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