January 5, 1993 – a newspaper kind of person

Mr. J asked me again if I would write for the newspaper. I kind of do want to do it, but I think I’d be better at writing for a magazine or something. I’m not a newspaper kind of person. I also can’t find my mighty pen. The fountain one that can kill people. It’s somewhere in my house…I’m now using the other pen – a bit messier. That’s why I’m writing in this manner.

This was a relief to read, because my handwriting looks completely different in this section like some second personality had emerged. Whew!

I’m very, very thirsty. E is here today. She became very, very drunk this weekend and is still hungover. She is just sitting there, head hung down, looking rather trampled. Poor, poor E. I’m reading In the Days of the Comet by H.G. Wells. I have no deep thoughts about it. I just feel like writing.

Oh, thank God. I know it’s mean, but I really hate reading your deep thoughts.

Today I’m not sad. Today I’m very, very angry. I read things and become filled with rage…I’m so upset, I feel like hyperventilating. “Superman is Judas and you are God” I will explain later. I’m late for geometry and very, very angry.

Very, very angry. Very, VERY. I then go on to explain that I was late to geometry because I had to put my coat in my bag and, to do so, take all my books out of my bag and I guess I dropped them all and threw a tantrum in the hall, shouting obscenities and blaming the system. This whole passage. feels so familiar, as though it could have happened last Thursday, that it makes me afraid that personal growth is simply not possible.

I think I had to put my coat in my bag because it was cold and we weren’t allowed to carry them around with us.

I then go on to point this anger at the man towards E for some reason

I deem E to be part of that society. An active part of that society. She drinks, reads political science, has a large vocabulary…

Signs that you might be part of society (which is surely very evil).

Do you drink alcohol (ever)?
Do you read political science?
Do you have a large vocabulary?

If you answered “Yes” to any of these questions, then, sorry, you are part of society.

By the way, this is not the only time I will comment on E’s vocabulary. I was, apparently, kind of obsessed.

Anyway, AK (to explain the quote from before “Superman is Judas and you are God”) AK says that God is love and love is blind, I am blind therefore I am God. Superman has very good vision therefore he is farthest from God, hence he’s Judas.

“‘Contrariwise,’ continued Tweedledee, ‘if it was so, it might be; and if it were so, it would be; but as it isn’t, it ain’t. That’s logic.'”


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